What’s important to remember throughout the funeral planning process is that there are options, choices and a wealth of kind, informed and experienced people to help you. You don’t have to do anything a ‘certain’ nor ‘traditional’ way, if you don’t want to — take your time to find a funeral director and/or celebrant who supports you in exploring what a funeral can be.

Funerals can be held at a crematorium, natural burial ground, chapel, religious building or cemetery, or at a different venue. This might be someone's home or garden, a private venue (such as a hotel, wedding venue, school hall, community centre, theatre, historic building or stately home) or at a natural outdoor space such as a beach, hillside, or woodland (with the landowner’s permission).

There are many options for coffins (including natural biodegradable materials such as willow, fabric or wool shrouds, wood, and cardboard), hearses/vehicles, urns, flowers and of course, what everyone wears. Take your time to explore these options and ask for help from your funeral director and/or celebrant if you need it.

A funeral ceremony can be led by a celebrant, clergy, a religious leader, or it can be led by you (plus family and friends too) if you feel able. There is no legal requirement for someone else to lead the ceremony for you. Some celebrants are independent (or civil) and others are Humanist. I am an independent celebrant. This means that I am able to create funeral ceremonies that are crafted in a way that touches on many aspects of a person’s life — their loves, their religious or spiritual beliefs (if they have or had them) and/or culture, their passions, their personality. I believe in something ‘greater than ourselves’, though I don’t belong to any one religion. You could think of me as the middle ground between clergy/a religious leader and a Humanist celebrant, in celebrant terms.

If you would like a celebrant to plan and lead the funeral ceremony, the funeral director that you work with (if you are working with one) will typically recommend someone local whom they feel is best suited. You can of course also research local celebrants yourself and get in touch with them directly. The Celebrant Directory and Funeralcelebrants.org are a good place to start. Throughout the ceremony planning process, a celebrant will communicate with the funeral director to ensure smooth lines of communication.

When planning and creating a funeral or memorial it’s important to ensure that the appropriate and/or necessary amount of time and space is given to the ceremony itself. I realise that this is sometimes determined by cost (and also planning time), but, for example, if you feel that the standard time period at a crematorium may not be long enough, do discuss this with your funeral director or celebrant to see if there are any alternative options available.

In terms of the ceremony itself, there is no right or wrong thing to do. Seating arrangements can be formal — in rows, or informal — in a circle or horseshoe. You may like to include traditional or contemporary rituals or elements pertaining to personal, religious or spiritual beliefs such as readings, prayers, meditation or the lighting of candles. There could be live music or other artistic contributions perhaps involving children, or there could be periods of silence. It is possible to hold joy as well as sadness during this time.

When someone dies, there are several options relating to burial or cremation which, in turn, affect where, when and how a ceremony is held. A person can be cremated ‘without’ a service, or, at least, without a service that takes place at the same place and time as cremation — this is known as ‘Direct’ or ‘Unattended’ Cremation. However, in this instance, a separate ceremony can still take place at a different location, on a different day (see Ceremonies page for guidance).

If a person is cremated and you then receive their ashes, there are several things to consider in terms of what to do next. They can be kept with you at home, they can be scattered somewhere special or significant, or they can be placed or buried within a permanent place, known as interment. For each of these options, you may like to consider a ceremony with a funeral celebrant who can guide the process. If you have received ashes following Direct or Unattended Cremation, you may then like to hold funeral, memorial or Celebration of Life ceremony, with the urn present during the service, if you would like to.